Holi Daze

 Why do I despise Holidays/celebrations?

After some introspection I've come to a realization. 

Every year I have those closest to me ask what I'm doing for XYZ holiday and my answer is always something obtruse. This has literally persisted for decades. Which begs the question, do these people not know me?

Today is the first time I've turned my angst inward. What is it about me that causes this behavior? How am I contributing to such, which I despise? 

It just dawned upon me that I may be root of this dismay. 

As a young child I was just as any other, excited to receive Christmas givings. For me, this was always dependent upon one thing. A bet places by my great aunt upon the annual Dallas Cowboys game. In fact, this plus my hometown identity is why I am a die-hard Cowboys fan till this day. If you tell a toddler that he will get toys if the Cowboys win, you have created a fan. So how did that energy turn upside down?  How did that same toddler a decade later find alcoholism as a coping mechanism against the one thing which one brought elation? 

This is my quandary

Upon further self reflection I think I may have taken a step further in unraveling this mystery. 

Holidays/Celebrations all require a suspension of reality. Think about it. The American observance of Independence Day requires a bolstered focus on the self-importance that this nation plays in a Globalized world. Thanksgiving requires the acceptance of genocide. Juneteenth requires an overall lack of knowledge on the true history of Black and Brown Texans. Christmas you ask? He'll where do I begin in that bullshit. I mean we Texans think of ourselves as billy bad ass Wild West gunslingers but at the same time I am to welcome a portly son of a bitch just willy nilly breaking and entering and eating up my kid's snacks? Oh Okay

I am hard pressed to think of any so-called holiday that doesn't contain an aire of irrationality to it. Why is this if the actual occurrence is righteous to begin with? You ain't gotta lie to kick it,but that seems like the default approach here. 

Apparently those closest to me are capable of such suspension, hence my general malaise and indifference. Clearly this is a lacking within myself as oppossed to the rest of the population